To the woman in the Beemer who almost sideswiped my bike this morning:

I am sure it is an incredible frustration driving your 7 series (could have been 5 series) bright silver BMW in morning traffic down Orleans south of Division at 9am this morning (keep your eyes peeled, people, I bet this is her regular commute). After all, you really can’t open up that sweet engine and feel the raw power at your command in such heavy traffic. Although, since you are a woman, you probably don’t even know how many cylinders you have at your disposal, and may only know the engine is in the front because your doorperson always gets your shopping from the back (sorry ladies, statistics don’t lie). I’m equally sure, since you are the type of person that can afford a 7 series, it is agony waiting in line at the stoplight behind all those lesser people in their lesser cars. It must drive you nuts.

However…

The next time you decide to claim your rightful priority and veer around the line to rush up the right side of traffic to the next stop sign, you had better check whether there may be a bike alongside your car. Thanks to my incredible reflexes and lighting fast braking, you got lucky this time. The next time I catch you at it, I am going to park my bike on your front bumper and we are not moving until every single civic, camry, and oh so lowly 3 series you have passed in the last two miles cruises past you through that stop sign. Then, and only then will you be permitted to continue on your self-serving, uber-entitled way to a bitter and hopefully early end.

Thank you and have a nice day.