Rules To Live By:

Always carry a handkerchief, it's good for much more than just blowing your nose.

Keep if folded, and never blow your nose on the outside.

Weather.com has taken the romance out of thunderstorms

I love storms. I always have. I remember being a kid and getting all excited when I saw dark clouds on the horizon. My parent's farm had an open view of the north and west skies (where the storms came from), so I could watch them approach from a distance (not Kansas distance, but still). There was that great sense of foreboding, even if the storm missed us a bit. The trees with dark clouds behind looked terrific and you could see lots of lightening. It was great.

Well, all that is gone now. Part of the problem is that I live in a big city and you really can't get a good long distance view without a bunch of buildings getting in the way. However, I really blame the easy accessibility to weather radar for ruining storms for me.

It is now way to easy to analyze every aspect of the approaching storm, in real time, while it is still a full state away. If it is clear the storm will not hit us, then I am disappointed early. If the storm looks like it will hit us and never does, I am disappointed later. At least when I was looking at the actual sky, I could still think that storm was going to shoot straight over and I would get a great show. The precision made available to us through technology has killed that little hope.

I suppose it's for the best, but still, I kinda miss the good old days when gauging the weather involved walking outside and ... looking up.

Umbrella Etiquette II

Umbrella's on the sidewalk are not good, I have covered that. However, I feel I must point out that an umbrella at an outdoor concert is a really bad idea too.

Seriously miss umbrella wielding person, did you consider your actions at all? Not only is the likelihood of you poking or dripping on someone very high in a packed crowd of concert goers, but do you really consider yourself so important that your need to keep your perfect hair dry trumps the desires of the 200 some odd people behind to see the stage?

Could you consider a rain jacket? Perhaps a hat or something with a hood? Those stupid yellow wellingtons were all the rage for a while so certainly you can find some sort of cute water-repellant outer layer that will align with your never-ending conquest to adopt the latest fashion trends (by the way, the strapless top just isn't cutting it, but that should be a completely separate rant).

While we are at it, I would like to point out a few other reminders of concert etiquette. If it ever occurs to you to consider there might be other people around you who would also like to have a good time, please keep this list in mind:

-While it is acceptable to gab with your friends (this is an informal occasion after all), it would be nice to be able to hear the musician as well.
-No, I will not move aside so you can shove your way up as close to the stage as you possibly can. I would like to see too. I don't care if your friends are up there. If you made it to the front, stay there. If you left for some unknown reason, you are just going to have to live with that decision. Stop bumping into me every thirty seconds and getting miffed when I don't move out of your way.
-Yes, your umbrella is blocking my view. No, I don't think you have a right to try to keep dry at the expense of my view. Check the weather next time, this is an outdoor concert and I am sure you can access some sort of radar on your little pink blackberry/iphone-whatsit.
-Yes, I do mind if you spill beer on me. I don't care if it was your friends fault. I am now going to smell like beer and for this reason I am going to glare at you.

To the woman in the Beemer who almost sideswiped my bike this morning:

I am sure it is an incredible frustration driving your 7 series (could have been 5 series) bright silver BMW in morning traffic down Orleans south of Division at 9am this morning (keep your eyes peeled, people, I bet this is her regular commute). After all, you really can’t open up that sweet engine and feel the raw power at your command in such heavy traffic. Although, since you are a woman, you probably don’t even know how many cylinders you have at your disposal, and may only know the engine is in the front because your doorperson always gets your shopping from the back (sorry ladies, statistics don’t lie). I’m equally sure, since you are the type of person that can afford a 7 series, it is agony waiting in line at the stoplight behind all those lesser people in their lesser cars. It must drive you nuts.

However…

The next time you decide to claim your rightful priority and veer around the line to rush up the right side of traffic to the next stop sign, you had better check whether there may be a bike alongside your car. Thanks to my incredible reflexes and lighting fast braking, you got lucky this time. The next time I catch you at it, I am going to park my bike on your front bumper and we are not moving until every single civic, camry, and oh so lowly 3 series you have passed in the last two miles cruises past you through that stop sign. Then, and only then will you be permitted to continue on your self-serving, uber-entitled way to a bitter and hopefully early end.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Critical Mass Sucks

I am a regular biker (by biker I mean bicycles, not motorcycles). In the summer I bike nearly every day, to and from work, to the beach, on errands, etc. I have found that in general, drivers in Chicago are mindful and respectful of bikes. Occasionally someone is not paying attention and does something stupid and I have to react to avoid them. More commonly, people just don't consider how their actions may impact others (like double parking in the bike lane) and I have to deal with that too. However, for the most part drivers are good. Rarely does someone blatantly honk at me or indicate that I should not be occupying "their" road.

Most of the other bicyclists I see on the road, however, frequently and wantonly disobey traffic laws, bike recklessly, and generally express the opinion that it is the drivers' responsibility to avoid hitting the bikers, irregardless of that biker may do. This annoys me...considerably. I just want the respect I deserve when on the road, and others bikers who disregard traffic laws give everyone else a bad reputation. I can understand why drivers might get frustrated with the bikers. In fact, I hear of a biker fatality and my first thought is always, "well, did he pull out in front of a car? Did the car have the right of way? Did he run a light?" Often, the answer to one of these questions is yes, and then part of me says, "well, maybe he deserved it."


So tonight the critical mass ride went past my house. There were a considerable number of bikers - fine. They were having a good time, some of them were playing music, it looked like fun - fine. Many of them had LED lights on - terrific. They were completely occupying the driving lane in one direction - fine, technically they are still obeying traffic laws, and doing something unique at the same time. As the density of the bikers increased, I noticed many were crossing the yellow line and straying into oncoming traffic - not cool. At maximum density, they were significantly impeding traffic going the other way - really not cool. From my window I can see the intersection of two pretty major roads. I notice that one of the bikers is standing in the middle of the intersection holding his bike over his head. - very much not cool. The bikers are continuing across the intersection irregardless of the traffic light and right of way, they are blocking all the cars, drivers trying to turn, drivers on North/South road (they were riding down the East/West road), and ignoring the traffic light - really, incredibly not cool.

I understand that critical mass is intended to increase awareness of biking, to make drivers "see" that bikes have a major presence on the road and should be respected. However, I also see a crowd of bikers demonstrating their wanton disregard of traffic laws. I see a bunch of bikers saying "f**k you, cars. We can do whatever we want and you have to put up with it. We don't care about your rights on the road." Well, f**k you right back you hippie wanker bikers. You are giving me, an otherwise responsible biker, a bad name. You are giving people on bikes everywhere a bad name. You and all those bikers who run red lights, who ride down crosswalks and on crowded sidewalks. You are the reason drivers on the road have trouble respecting the rights of the biker. As far as I am concerned you are making it worse for everyone who bikes on the street, in traffic. You are not helping. You are certainly increasing awareness. I am now aware that the average Critical Mass bike rider is a prick who is convinced they are entitled to do whatever the f**k they want on the road. The cars will just have to stay out of their way. You are just as bad if not worse than every driver that has ever honked at me for riding on the street, every driver that has not understood that bikes have as much right to the road as they do. I hate you and your stupid Critical Mass ride. You should just go away.

Long Live The Keyboard

Have you ever noticed that new technology tends towards a lack of moving parts? I can think of numerous examples. In the computer world alone, the mouse is replaced by a touchpad, keys or buttons by the touchscreen, harddrives by flash memory, fans by heatsinks or more efficient, cooler systems.

I suppose in the long run it's for the best. Fewer moving parts means less wear, so therefore things last longer, products will be more reliable. Less energy is needed as well. However, are we losing something? Buttons and keyboards have an obvious tactile quality that the touchscreen or touchpad cannot duplicate. At least without some major innovation.

I was recently researching the purchase of a new cellphone. While I was attracted to the "wow factor" of touchscreens, when I really considered my options I decided I wasn't quite ready for a full touchscreen phone quite yet. The touchscreen devices I have used the past (remote, GPS, PDA, iphone, etc.) have always been just a little disappointing. Keys on a screen are easy to miss. They are usually a bit smaller than we would prefer (which of course will change as the demand for larger screens continues), but the feel of individual keys goes a long way to ensuring accurate typing I think. I ended up with a blackberry, and while the buttons are very small, I can still type much more accurately on it's tiny little keyboard than I can on my GPS's touchscreen keyboard, which is easily twice the size. It could be my sausage fingers though. Haptic feedback (vibration responses to touch) is something I haven't checked out yet. Perhaps that is the answer. Some sort of feeling is really necessary in order to be able to type without having to watch your fingers.

You know what I really want? In the movie The Island, the doctor has a computer built into his desktop. He controls it through a small pyramid on the desk. It is a separate object, like a mouse, but by moving it in various ways, he had a great deal of control over what was happening on the computer. What a great idea. Here is way to reintroduce an object we can interact with, we can move and manipulate. I think that will always be more satisfying than a touchscreen. Plus think of the options, the variety of ways a computer could be controlled through objects, some smart - imparting information or controlling aspects of the computer directly, and some dumb, like a stylus.

Where am I going with this? I'm not really sure. Touchscreens are cool, but I think I am always going to want some sort of old fashioned keyboard. It just works better.

Ehh, I think I've lost my chain of thought...

Golf umbrellas and sidewalk etiquette

Golf Umbrella - what a funny name. I wonder if perhaps it was, at some point, intended for...say...golf?

To all of you making your morning commute with a giant golf umbrella, you are really pissing off the rest of us. There you are, with an impromptu circus tent held precariously over your head, wandering down the dead center of the sidewalk while the rest of us try to make our way to our respective destinations without suffering from a poke in the eye. God forbid if that thing should come down unexpectedly, the national guard would be called in to dig out all the bodies.

While we are on the subject of sidewalk etiquette, people, learn how to share! You may not spread out side by side with five of your closest buddies and try to bridge the sidewalk from street to building. You should not be bopping along to you ipod down the dead center of the sidewalk (possibly with a giant umbrella) while everyone else tries to dodge around you as best they can. Grow up and realize there may actually be other people in the world as well. Criminy. Conversations should be held at the edges and in building doorways. It's getting hard to simply walk down the street - jogging is basically impossible.

Also, absolutely no singing at the top of your voice. I don't care how drunk you are, or how good you think you sound. I would rather not be serenaded at 3am by a group of drunk post-college frat boys when all I really want to do is get some sleep.

That is all.